Finding Your Purpose

Finding your purpose is one of the most important journeys you should undertake in your lifetime. If you’re wise, you’ll figure this out early in your life.  If you’re like me, you’ve figured it out later in life, after you’ve suffered through far too many purposeless experiences.  

Without purpose, you are likely to connect with almost anything that feels good. And mostly likely, you will do what I did for many many years…meander through life searching for purpose in a bunch of meaningless relationships, friendships, activities, etc.  Trust me. It’s a life you don’t want. It’s exhausting. It’s empty. It’s depressing. And most of all, it’s sooo beneath what God has planned for you.

I spent so many years unaware and unsure of my purpose in life. Because of this, I focused a great deal of efforts on trying to find significance in all sorts of things (and people).  I dated men I had no business dating. I found myself in places I had no business going.  I did things that I had no business doing.  And, I hung out with people and crowds with whom I had not one thing in common.  

My entire focus was trying to fill the void and find meaning for my life. So I sought out people, places, things and activities that had no purpose other than it was fun and/or it felt good at the time, and it fooled me into thinking that my life was good and I was happy for the moment. 

Have you ever looked back on your past and thought to yourself, “Really?!? Wow. Thank God for Jesus!”

Don’t make the same mistakes that I did. You must be intentional about finding your God-given purpose and then you must be focused and intentional about managing your life accordingly.  

Even if your life doesn’t mimic the wild behaviors of my past, a lack of purpose can have serious and long lasting consequences even still.  Activities and things, and even more so people, in your life that have no purpose are time stealers. 

We only have so much time in this life.  Time spent is either a waste or an investment.  If you choose to waste time, it is gone forever. If you invest it into purposeful things, you will reap future benefits from the place you invested it.

So say it with me: No purpose = No time!

A purposeful life is also a very liberating life because you are free from the pressures and expectations of others. When purpose shapes your life, unless something or someone fits directly into your purpose (regardless of who or what it is), you are free to decline.  

So at a minimum you should make sure that your purpose is the key driver for these things:

• Your priorities
• Who you date/marry,
• Who you befriend, 
• How you dress,
• How you manage money,
• How you speak, 
• How you treat others,
• How your spend your time/energy,
• What you post on social media!!! 
• And most importantly: how you behave - NOT just in public, but also when no one is watching. 

Do not waste time on things or people with no purpose because they also add no value to your life.  Not only that, when we give our time, energy and attention to un-purposeful things, it robs the same from divine purpose-filled things.  

Have you ever wondered why you run out of energy before you get everything done on your list? Or why you run out of patience with the kids, and all they did was asked you one question?  Answer: Lack of purpose shaped priorities.

Lastly, I know what you’re thinking: okay, Nicole, all this talk about this word “purpose,” but what exactly does this mean? First and foremost, your purpose and your reason for existence can only come from one place: Your Creator.  Only the Creator knows why this world needed you with your unique set of gifts and talents and why you're needed right now.

Personally, I know my #1 purpose is to serve and please God, so my goal is to allow that to influence and shape my decisions.  That means living out the principles found in His word in my every day life and making application of the things I've learned throughout the various experiences (good & bad) that I've had. 

It also involves being a godly wife to my husband and honoring him both in and outside of his presence. It involves training my children, modeling godliness and womanhood, and setting an example for them of Christian values. Lastly, it involves growing in character & integrity and allowing those to guide my behavior in the various environments that God places me. 

I did mention that this is a process, right?? Like you, I'm still growing! Some days I get it right. Some days...well, thank God for the blood of Jesus!

So that's my purpose.   Your responsibility is to find and live your life according to your purpose. Think about this, before you were born, this world was full of people with all sorts of gifts and talents. Yet, despite that, God decided that it was missing something important. That something was YOU. 

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." Jer 1:5

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not an easy process. You’ll have to give up the you that you have already created in exchange for the you that He wants you to become.  It can be scary because your version of yourself is fully within your control, while His version of you is totally up to Him. But if you cooperate, it will be totally worth it.

He’ll ask for many changes from you. He’ll ask for many sacrifices from you. He’ll ask for trust in the face of fear and patience in the face of delay.  But he will only ask. He will not force Himself upon you. He will not forcefully interject Himself into your life.  He chose you. Now, He wants you to choose Him.  

And if when He asks, you can muster up the courage to answer and say yes, then I can attest that He will give you, in return, a fully complete, wholly enjoyable, purpose-FULL life.

And my sister, once you have that, You. Will. Be. Unstoppable.

Overcoming Emotional Fatigue

 All I needed was a little rest.  I hoped a little sleep would allow me to escape the many frantic thoughts racing through my mind. I was so tired, exhausted from the overwhelming emotions inside my heart.  There was so much at stake.  I already couldn’t focus.  And then the phone rang.  “Oh gosh, not now. Why Lord? This is not the right time for this.” What to do. What to do!? I know the right way to handle this, but the wrong way feels so much better right now. 

I hate being emotionally fatigued. Stress, anxiety, worry, pain, discomfort, lack of control over my circumstances...all of these things lead to an overwhelming sense of fatigue in my mind and emotions.  It’s a very dangerous place for any woman because it makes us vulnerable and unstable. Personally, I recognize that it’s in this place that the enemy comes after me with his best offense. 

You see, when I’m battling intense emotions, if I’m not vigilant, it takes me “off my game” spiritually.  I don’t pay as much attention to the enemy because I’m soooo consumed with how I feel.  In this place, I’m at my weakest spiritually, and I lose sight of the fact that my enemy is always watching and walking about seeking whom he may devour. When I’m in a weakened state, I become his prime target.

The same goes for you.  I’m sure if you think back over the mistakes you’ve made or situations you’ve gotten caught up in, much like me it was during a time when you were spiritually weakened.  This weakened state was most likely prompted and accompanied by an overwhelming emotional place – heart-break, disappointment, loneliness, fear – any of these and so many other emotions, has the ability to weaken a woman spiritually. 

This is when the enemy attacks.  When you’re strong, he is waiting for the right opportunity.  He never backs off, but he’s in no hurry to attack you.  He knows that while you’re strong spiritually, it is more difficult to lure you away from your commitment to God.  It’s harder to catch you unaware and off guard.  So he waits, patiently, for he also knows that if you’re ever “off your game”, you’re vulnerable.  And this is when he will attack.

Have you ever wondered why your temptations seem heightened when you’re battling emotions?  Have you ever made stupid mistakes and then wondered afterwards how you fell for such an obvious trick of the enemy? 

It’s because when your emotions are heightened, your spirit is weakened and this is all the enemy and your flesh need to lead you astray.  This is why we are admonished to remain sober & vigilant at all times.  We can ill-afford to be caught off guard when the enemy attacks.  We have to be sober even in a weakened or emotional place.

When you’re battling emotions, you should never go into hiding and isolation. This is the danger zone!  Sure, it’s tempting to just stay away from everyone, not answer phone calls/texts or interact with anyone at all.  Bad idea! The reason this is dangerous is because when you are isolated, you hide from everyone except YOURSELF.  Say it with me: Danger! Danger!

Once alone with yourself and your emotions, the enemy has an even greater chance of convincing you to take one of his options because his options will always be directly associated with your desires and emotions.  You cannot fight the enemy alone in a weakened state. You need the help of others who can help you recognize his antics and fight them off.  

Because we are to bear each other’s burdens, when you’re weak, I need to be strong for you.  When I’m weak, I need you to be strong for me. There must be someone with whom you can share everything you’re thinking and feeling that is also capable of helping you overcome those emotions & feelings with principle & truth.  If you disengage from other believers while you are weak, you will fall into temptation and sin.  It’s inevitable.

So how do we avoid this trap as women? I mean really, God gave us these emotions, right? And certainly, He gave them to us for a reason, yeah? We obviously need them to be nurturing and caring women, wives & mothers. So how is it that our greatest strength can also be our greatest weakness?? 

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." ~ Matthew 26:41

Although it is no easy feat, you and I are capable of overcoming emotional fatigue in a manner that protects our spiritual walk with God.  Here are a few things that I’ve learned throughout the many battles of my own. I try to practice them daily so that I’m never caught off guard.  I can’t promise you that you will ever conquer the emotional beast once and for all.  But I can tell you that if you stay sober and vigilant in your daily walk with God, you will get better at managing your emotions, even at the height of the battle.

·         Awareness – recognize and acknowledge when you’re emotional. You have to get good at recognizing your own emotional shifts.  Every woman is different and there are personal situations that provoke strong emotions in YOU specifically.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re immune to emotions. Part of being sober and vigilant is being aware of your own emotional triggers.  Take a moment to reflect on your triggers and write them down for your remembrance. 

·         Accountability – successful emotion management requires strong accountability.  Never shut yourself off from your accountability partner(s). No matter what you’re battling, you need someone with whom you can be completely naked and transparent.  We need to hold each other accountable and when necessary, stand guard & watch while the other one rebuilds her strength. 

·         Self-Control – regardless of how we feel, we are ALWAYS capable of making the right decision.  We are promised that no matter the temptation, God always provides a way of escape.  (1 Corin 10:13) Take it and take it immediately! The longer you engage temptation, the more likely you are to give into it.  Trust me; choosing righteousness, no matter how difficult, will always work out for your good. Choosing unrighteousness, no matter how much better it feels in the moment, will always end poorly and lead to unpleasant consequences that last much longer than the moment.  Choose wisely.

 Have a great week!

Embracing change, managing emotions & seizing the opportunity to grow!

Embracing change is not an easy task.  I don’t know about you, but I love being comfortable. I like knowing what to expect.  I like routine.

The problem with this is that I also love growing. I enjoy reaching new milestones in my life and walk with God.  I cherish those moments when I can think back a year ago or even 3 years ago and see the difference in my life. 


As I think about the various things I've gone through over the past few years, I can see how God has used those experiences to grow me and how wonderful my life is now as a result.  I'm thankful that God loves me enough to provoke the change He desires in me, even if I don't like it at the time.  What I also realize is that without my cooperation throughout the process, I would still be in the same place I was all those years ago, and that, my friend, would be a tragedy.  

Nonetheless, in the moment, the process of change can be very scary. For me, it provokes emotions in me that threaten to overwhelm and disrupt my entire purpose.  It strips away my comfort zones and leaves me feeling vulnerable.  

It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear…It’s like being between trapezes.  It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer.  There’s nothing to hold on to.  -- Marilyn Ferguson, American futurist

Although the process of change creates a seemingly unstable place, whenever I have been able to successfully embrace it and seize the opportunity to grow, I have found that the result is greater than I could have ever expected.  You see, change forces us to pray more, seek Him at a greater level, listen for His voice more attentively and obey His Word more quickly.  That translates into increased faith and manifestation of His Will for our lives.

That's if we are serious about growing and experiencing the promises of God for real. Otherwise, change causes us to become angry and rebellious, return to sin and carnal habits, seek out quick fixes and empty sources of pleasure, and totally get off course and out of the will of God.  That's a dangerous place for anyone.   

How you manage yourself through the various changes that God allows in your life will determine whether you grow or remain as you are.  I can tell you this. Growing is down right hard, but remaining the same is worse than death.

I've watched God do amazing things in my life through change processes that I could have sworn were designed to make me go crazy.  Seven years ago, I lost custody of my sons, and I thought for certain I had lost my reason for living.  I was so distraught.  I was angry, hurt, depressed, lost, heart-broken and confused. Most of all, I was overwhelmed with pain.

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

My sister, I've watched God use my toughest challenge to develop a faith in Him that cannot be shaken. I've watched him take my pain, my tears, my frustrations, even my confusion and give me stability, clarity, confidence, significance and purpose.  He had a divine plan all along, and through the pain of my process, He delivered on His promise.  He kept His Word.

I'm not here to tell you that the process was easy. There were days I wanted to throw in the towel and abandoned His will for my own.  I did not like the change nor the emotions that came with it.  But trust me, embracing the change was key to unlocking my next level of purpose. 

As I've said, its not at all easy, and as women, we are more prone than men to suffer the emotional roller coaster that change causes.  But you can get through it if you will remain committed to His will for your life and trust that His plan is working for your good.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Remember, God never wastes a situation. Every situation, good or bad, easy or difficult, big or small is a divine blessing and opportunity from God for us to grow. We just have to be willing to endure the process.

You have to be resilient when the wave of emotions threatens to overtake you. You have to get up quickly whenever something knocks you flat on your face.  In a nutshell, you have to be tougher than the challenge you’re facing.   You have to be stronger than the emotions you’re feeling.

How tough are you?  Do you wallow in the varying emotions that accompany your changes/difficulties? Do you spend more time complaining and crying about the change or situation than facing it? Do you waste time being angry at God or others and searching for someone to blame? Or do you put on your big-girl panties, manage yourself even at the height of your emotions and face the change head on?

You have to stand in the face of change or difficulty and know that at the end of the process lies the promise of God for your life, the answer to the prayers you’ve been praying, and the faith required to walk in your new level of purpose.  

And then, you must go!

I cannot effectively describe for you what God has done in my life over the last seven years because it has been such a mind-blowing journey. He restored me. He redeemed me. He loved me. And most of all, He remembered me.  He remembered His promise, and He kept it. He remembered my prayers, and He answered them. He heard my cry, and He comforted me.  

He made me stronger than ever, but first, I had to be destroyed. My will. My flesh. My wants and desires. My habits and ways. All of it had to go. I had to be willing to suffer through the changes He required in order to receive the blessing.

My sister, now is your time to go! Now is your time to grow!
  

You cannot become paralyzed by fear.

You cannot waste time focused on the past.

You cannot throw a tantrum because you’re uncomfortable.

You cannot rebel and refuse to cooperate with God’s plan.

You must go!

Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19

There is more waiting on the other side for you.  More of God! More of His Promise! More of You!  On the other side of every wilderness (change) is His promise.  Don't miss the promise because you refuse to cooperate with the change God is requiring.  

Moses had been with Israel a long time but He was not the one who would lead them into Canaan.  It would be Joshua.  Perhaps this was a difficult change for Israel. They knew Moses. Trusted him and his leadership. They were accustomed to him. They were comfortable with him. They knew what to expect from him.  

But Moses was their past. God had a different plan for their future.

Think about how unfortunate it would have been if Israel had missed out on Canaan because they refused to follow Joshua simply because he was not Moses?  

What about you? Will you go with God into your promise? Or will you stay in the wilderness and mourn for Moses?

Sister girl, if God has orchestrated a change in your life recently, it’s time to start preparing for the journey.  If you've had the wind knocked out of you, it’s time to get up, shake yourself off, take a deep breath, put on some mascara and lip-gloss and handle your business!

Make it happen!